I don't know if you know this, but for the last two years I've been in and out of the hospital because I'd resorted to writing this story with my blood.
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That was a metaphor... to tell you that I basically held a strong commitment to at least finish the first book of SGG(A).
Not to say I would take a bullet or save it from an on-coming train or eat a baby for it or anything, but I had to know what finishing a story felt like.
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| And the Lord said "it was good." |
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| Yea right, I WISH there were exams for King Richard II. Stupid English Class, with your stupid Catcher-in-the-Rye Bullshit! |
When I was young, I wanted to be a "story creator" as I called it, but had some huge hang-ups on actually starting a story or trying to write one. I was one of those Perfectionist.
It was worst, I was AFRAID to write stories.
I had a whole plethora of ideas, I even trained myself to write down those "hard-to-track" ideas that moon you in a flash and leave only the echo of their giggles for you to dwaddle at during your English exams on King Richard II.
But there's another reason I had to finish this.
I've gone through a lot of changes in the last 3 years. I've only been blogging for a year, and that itself was really perturbed out of me because of the international political and societal situations.
This World Versus The Next
Most people don't really grow up. My mom still wants to party and "get down" at age 50. Other moms go to the lengths of emulating their daughters, coloring their hair green and shit (are you serious grandma?).
This story that I have finished represents a era of adolescence that is convinced it must depart away from myself.
It frightens me, that it should have to go away so soon.
It maddens me, that I should have never written these ideas sooner, or had to craft and will to do so.
And now the pressures of adulthood and more mature ideas demand their brutal execution!
Nooo!
Not my babies!
These old, immature ideas have no home in the future.
They hold no immortal quality capable of educating eons of children across the bridge of time.
But I wish I didn't know that yet.
Sometimes there are a few things I wish I knew nothing about, the things that render me incapable of convincing myself that being 20years old is still an era of adolescence.
When you're trying to be an immortal person, you just can't think that way.
But I have to constantly face my own hypocrisy because I'm taking advantage of the fact that I AM pretty young(of course), and thus in this ridiculous world I have the right to be immature and kiddish because of such a profile.
And no one should know this.
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| Couldn't find any dramatic photos of a contemplative person by the sea so I settled with this. |
CELEBRATE!!
Regardless, I am so happy this time has come, and hope that many more shall come, in increments of months and not years!
Should the world not blow up, I will have much more time to free these ideas before I toss the vault into the sea in some dramatic, metaphorical departure from the childish fancies within me.
Here's a small excerpt from SGG:
THE FALLEN ENGLISH TEACHER RETURNS
“Turn around Ms. Chanitez…” Was the stark demand.
Rina’s muscles were stiff. She knew that voice and it scared the crap out of her. But she woman’d up and turned around.
“Yes, how are you doing? Lovely day for homework help, yes?”
“M-mr. Mezzo, you’re already back from prison… my, my, what big muscles you’ve gained.”
“All the more to squeeze the life out of those little ingrates that falsely accused me of a crime or two…” He stepped forward.
Rina laughed nervously, “O… and what a sinisterly wide smile you bare cheek-to-cheek,” she backed away.
He moved forward again, “all the more to relish the surprise of once trustworthy students confronting their unexpected demise— COME HERE!!”
Rina ran like the wind, receiving an unfathomable speed boost by the sheer terror coursing through her veins as she heard those loud, horrendous stomps approaching, “please! Please! Please don’t hurt me! I’ve got a divine destiny waiting for meee!”
Mr. Mezzo was once a skinny man, a mere flick-a-stick. When did he become so meaty and buff? Wow! If he only administered homework help in this form… well, I guess it wouldn’t be homework help anymore, would it? But he was always an honest man… until everyone found out how much of a pedophile he really was! He lost his wife, his house, his kids, his wonderful job, and all for a fleeting passion.
Before she knew it, Mr. Mezzo landed in front of her from above, his massive feet crunching the ground! She must of skidded three miles trying to put on her breaks, “holy snap!”
“Treacherous criminal, running away like a little girl?”
“I AM a little girl!” She halted and leaped back, gaining ground, “No… I am NOT a little girl,” a sparkle of holy silver-white flashed her baton in hand, “I was once a little girl, but now I am a fighter, if you think you’ll have your way with me like you almost did with Etna, then think again!”
“Lies. Lies, all lies! Fitting that you should be preparing for a political campaign, you can be the new face of all treachery and deceit!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about Mr. Mezzo, but a political campaign is not what I was tasked to do, this is RINA QUEST! And how you could possibly find out about it— God alone should know what sinister things you’ve been doing while on parole. How long have you been stalking me?” Rina gasped, “what have you done with Etna?”
“Even after all this time, you would still fain innocence against your deliberate deception,” he sulked his head and began to cry, clenching his muscular fist, “I loved all my kids! And you, out of all of them, betrayed that love the most.”
“Mr. Mezzo, you need psychological assistance,” demanded Rina.
“I loved you all the way a bestest teacher could possibly love his students, with all his god-fearing professionalism. Rarely did I ever receive the love back, but that was okay. I played the role of Jesus and crucified myself every year,” he chanted to the sky with his arms up high, “if that’s what it took to give my children the intellectual weapons needed to survive this cruel world, I was fine with it.”
“Stop!” Rina shook her head, her eyes almost swelling, “you’re a fraud, don’t invoke the lords name like that!”
Mr. Mezzo’s arms slowly deflated to his side as his eyes came back down to earth, straight at Rina, “A fraud? You call me a fraud? After all I did for you and your friend? You was the few who return my love. Yet so quickly did you and Ms. Jordan stick the poison dagger in my friendly backside! Was I but a consumable thing to you and Ms. Jordan? Why? Was the lust for profits more tantalizing then the professed practice of moral dignity?”
“No!” Demanded Rina, “you betrayed Etna’s innocence, our trust… you’re a pedophile! A fraud, a fake man.”
He laughed through his tears, “You and your monetary greed. I took the moral high ground and forbade you against such illegal commercial practices. I thought you of all people would know morality, but you and Ms. Jordan resented my shutting down your illegal candy-selling practices. You framed me!”
“Mr. Mezzo!!” Demanded Rina, “It is ‘Ms. Jordan and yourself!’ Not ‘you and Ms. Jordan!’ My GOD; how far have you fallen Mr. Mezzo? To be corrected by a former pupil who isn’t even doing well in English?! You’re a liar and a fallen English teacher!” She whispered to herself, “these are dark days indeed.”
He giggled, speaking to himself, “fitting. I was a fool to trust in a generation destined for destruction. She will not even acknowledge her illegal monetary practices. Indeed, might she not even be aware of how corrupt and evil she really is, purposely preventing herself from discovering the truth?”
Rina doubled-back, shocked. What was he seeing that Rina could not? Indeed, how far had Rina fallen to the whims of the devil, and how long had it been happening? She shook his words out of her head, “No, it’s not illegal, there’s nothing wrong with selling candy. It taught me responsibility and other stuff. You had no right to stop us because it’s a free country,” she demanded, while adding, “and plus all that other stuff about competition and Smith Adams. That counts too. I’m finished with your lies and mind games!” Intensely said Rina with her fist clenched in watery fury, “you dishona my trust, dishona my friend Etna, and dishona cali-fornia! I am no longer the weak little girl that came to you after school for homework help. If you continue to stand in the way of my divine destiny bestowed by god, I will be forced to remove you!” She clenched her baton, her lips pursed and tears inadvertently ran down her cheeks.
“Yes…” Mr. Mezzo’s tongue savored, a spillage of equations and statistical formulations splattering in the air from all corners of his body, suffocating the atmosphere with a rancid gray-matter aura, “you don’t know how long I’ve waited for this day. Avenging that kind and compassionate English teacher is all I live for now. Get angry. Get really angry like I am!” He flared, “You betraying whore!”
Rina’s knees trembled at the weird, gray aura around her former English teacher, an “O shit!” face hinting that she would piss her pants any minute, “T-this isn’t English…”
He laughed an egotistically sinister laugh as he crouched into a battle taunt, “I’ve taken up a new curriculum…”
“Calculus!”
“Statistics,” he corrected, “Many people believe the world operates on statistics and reducible equations. They were spellbound to believe that. I became an English teacher once I discovered this dark campaign bent on replacing ideas with equation,” Rina gasped as Mr. Mezzo continued, “It is why the world has been eaten and left as a rotten apple core.” He inched towards Rina as she took some steps back.
“Ms. Chanitez, did you ever write to the president asking for the return of your brother from this ceaseless war? I still remember that day… I thought a holy fire was lit in your eyes when I picked you to answer the DO NOW question about the Afghanistan war on the board. Did you ever write to the president as you promised?”
She shook her head in terror.
Mr. Mezzo smirked, “of course. Your generation is too decadent to give a damn about the powers that govern them,” he leaped in the air, amazing Rina, “‘tis why you’re destined for destruction!” His iron fist went for Rina’s head, but collided upon some rubbery, bouncy and invisible shield instead. Rina, being the central fabricator of such invisible protectiveness, was propelled backwards as the invisible bubble slipped from under Mr. Mezzo’s atomic blow.
“Physics! Thou art the devil’s deliiight—” she slammed upon her butt! The pain riding up her pelvis angrily silenced her throat from anymore screaming, she could only clench her teeth as her angel-fine hair stood straight upwards.
“A clever little girl you are,” said the fallen English teacher.
“I dun know how,” she struggled up, witnessing a geometric blur of slightly blue coloration fading in and out around her. She was not strange to this illegally downloaded spell; she looked around and saw a visible crack releasing air, she took out her iPod.
By Jesus, it was on! A slight drop of electric juice summoned by the alarm clock heavily used by Rina to remind her of the fabled reruns of Great Teacher Onizuka on showtime in the afternoon period! Her great anime fetish was now her liberator! “Cats on Mars,” played the name of the song, “Gods be with me! Another sign of divine guidance.”
“Who cares what happens to this world, to this nation, to those who inherent hell. All things of idealism are merely the machinations of pipe-dreams.”
“You are a disgusting adult Mr. Mezzo. Tis why the lord would think twice to save you, unlike me,” she sparkled, “You cannot talk to kids that way. Pessimism kills! And I won’t fall today!” Her baton lit up.
“I became an English teacher, because I knew there was a campaign to disable the proliferation of ideas, to destroy the language cultures of the world and replace it with the horrors of statistics and formulation,” he watched as the black matter of of purple and gray formulations perspired in the air like a fiery cyber-matrix, “how ironic… that the same powers my youthful idealism once passioned to snuff out of existence will be the very monster to help me take over this entire country!”
“O please…”
“Confident, are we?” He clenched his fist, the horror of darkly lit grade point averages diseasing the air like a dispersing miasma, sucking up the luster of Rina’s baton and causing a panic in her chest, “Before they fired me,” he continued, “I studied your profile, your grades and performances in all your classes… I know all your weaknesses…”
“My weaknesses— no!” Rina’s eyes big-breastisized, “that’s pretty much everything!”
His muscles bloated, black veins searing through his forearms and hands, while his thin Italian lips tearing into a sinister horizon from cheek to cheek. The slush of black aura pulsed more fervently in periodical burst as if his dark spirit had just taken a super laxative.Rina meekly disarmed her baton and hung her arms to the side, “on second thought, I’ll just call 9-1-1.”
She got the fuck outa there, screaming like a little girl in the streets.
Before she knew it however, her throat was clenched by a dark gassy fist and she was taken off her feet, struggling to get out of the grasp of Mr. Mezzo, “my god… the darkness…” Many equations suffocated the atmosphere around Rina’s face. She never remembered a math teacher to hold so much power before.
“What sinister power Mr. Mezzo…” She struggled to reach into her pocket… “Mr. Cat, someone… heeelp,” her voice wheezed desperately.
Despite the apathetic cars whizzing down the streets and old farts up in the tops of buildings just watching, a growing number of pedestrians started gathering around to witness the existential horror of this man beating up the little girl.
What the hell’s wrong wit’ ma’ boy here?
He’s strangling a little girl.
Damn!
Would someone freakin’ help her, please!
“Yes, watch everyone! Watch as I take my vengeance on the students I tried to save from this ravenous world. Watch!”
“P-…P-… pedophile!” Rina’s iPod shone a holy light into Mr. Mezzo’s face, blinding everybody and causing him to disarm Rina-chan. She scurried away again, holding her throat and wiping away the darkness stinking up her clothes, “Heeelp! Police! Rape! Rape! Fire! Murder! Domestic abuse!” She ran back into a narrower street, only to find him waiting, thus did she turn a corner into an alleyway, and whence emerging from that, there he waited, to her surprise, she skid to stop, “Gosh it! How does he do that?”
Well?
What was your first book? Why did it matter, why did you write it?
And what the hell did you do with it?
What was your first book? Why did it matter, why did you write it?
And what the hell did you do with it?
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